Imam Ali (as) Says: "He who is deserted by friends and relatives will often find help and sympathy from strangers."
Imam Hassan (as) Says: "Befriend people in the same manner you would like them to befriend you."
Imam Jafar Sadiq (as) Says: "Be the friend of him who may grace you,
not of one whom you are better than." (Viz. make friends with ones who
are higher than you so that you progress.)
Imam Jafar Sadiq (as) Says: "My most beloved brother is he who (makes me aware of) my faults."
Imam Hassan Askari (as) Says: "Those who advise their friend secretly
are respecting them, and those who advise them openly are humiliating
them."
Imam Jafar Sadiq (as) has narrated from his father Imam Muhammad
Baqir (as) who said his father Imam Sajjad (as) stated: "O' my son!
Beware of five (groups) and do not seek companionship (friendship) with
them, do not speak with them, and do not make friends with them on (the)
way."
Then, Imam Muhammad Baqir (as) asked his father who they were and might he introduces them to him. Imam Sajjad (as) responded:
- "Beware of and do not associate with the one who tells lies. He is
as a mirage which makes near for you what is far, and makes far to you
what is near."
- "Beware of and do not associate with an immoral person, because he will sell you at the price of a morsel or less than that."
- "Beware of and do not associate with a miser because he will deprive you of his wealth when you are seriously in need of it."
- "Beware of and do not associate with a fool, because he wants to be of avail to you but he harms you."
- "Beware of and do not associate with the one who disregards his
kinfolks, because I found him (such a person) cursed in the Book Allah,
Almighty and Glorious, in three occurrences." They are: (Sura
Al-Baqarah, 2:27; Sura Ar-Rad, 13:25; and Sura Muhammad, 47:22).
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Two
friends were traveling together, when a Bear suddenly met them on their
path. One of them climbed up quickly into a tree and concealed himself
in the branches. The other, seeing that he must be attacked, fell flat
on the ground, and when the Bear came up and felt him with his snout,
and smelt him all over, he held his breath, and feigned the appearance
of death as much as he could. The Bear soon left him, for it is said he
will not touch a dead body. When the Bear was quite gone, the other
friend descended from the tree, and jokingly inquired of his friend what
it was the Bear had whispered in his ear. "He gave me this advice," his
companion replied. "Never travel with a friend who deserts you at the
approach of danger."
A story tells that two friends were walking through the desert.
During some point of the journey they had an argument, and one friend
slapped the other one in the face.
The one who got slapped was hurt, but without saying anything, wrote in the sand:
TODAY MY BEST FRIEND SLAPPED ME IN THE FACE.
They kept on walking until they found an oasis, where they decided to
take a bath. The one who had been slapped got stuck in the mire and
started drowning, but the friend saved him. After he recovered from the
near drowning, he wrote on a stone:
TODAY MY BEST FRIEND SAVED MY LIFE.
The friend who had slapped and saved his best friend asked him,
"After I hurt you, you wrote in the sand and now, you write on a stone,
why?" The other friend replied "When someone hurts us we should write it
down in sand where winds of forgiveness can erase it away. But, when
someone does something good for us, we must engrave it in stone where no
wind can ever erase it."
LEARN TO WRITE YOUR HURTS IN THE SAND AND TO CARVE YOUR BENEFITS IN STONE.
They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to
appreciate them, a day to love them, but then an entire life to forget
them.
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"Ah! Woe to me! Would that I had never taken such-and-such as a friend!" Noble Qur'an (25:28)
The one who is always there to console you when you want to talk
about a problem, the one who sticks by you through thick and thin, the
one whom you can count on to be there for you - this is the person who
leaves no doubts in your mind that he or she is your "best friend". You
like each other's company and love to spend time together. If something
important happens in your life, they're the first to know. You trust
them and depend upon them in times of need. They may be a classmate, a
colleague, a neighbor, a sister, a mother; or even your spouse! It could
be anyone who fits this description.
But are they really your "true" friend? How can you find out? Ask
yourself: are they taking you towards the most certain and perpetual
success and benefit: that of the Hereafter, or are they going to be the
cause of regret for you on the Day of Judgment? See for yourself. Here
is a checklist.
When in each other's company, you both:
- Comfortably backbite and make fun of people. Pass comments about others.
- Laugh at others together, be it a passerby or someone you are discussing.
- Call each other demeaning names in fun. Laugh at each other's cruel jokes about someone else.
- Start a conversation with "Hi instead of Salaam" and plunge into an exchange of the latest gossip.
- Hardly ever mention or discuss Allah (SWT), Noble Qur'an, Ahlul Bayt or Hadith in the time spent together.
- Feel hesitant to discuss religion, unless it is a criticism of any aspect of Islam.
- Confirm each other's doubts about the Hereafter.
- Get involved in activities that delay/do away with salaah (Islamic
Prayer), the major obligation from Allah (SWT). Have never prayed any
salaah together.
- Support each other in fulfilling every desire - a dress that caught
your fancy, or the in-fashion shoes, even if they are not needed. End up
spending money on things you don't need.
- Discuss unimportant things and events in meticulous detail, such as a
film, the latest clothes you got tailored, or a wedding party you
attended.
- Never point out each other's faults politely; if one does, the other quickly changes the subject or gets defensive.
Besides the above points, you both are fully aware of each other's
family's and in-laws' faults and short-comings. When one of you feels
guilty about having committed a sin, the other quickly offers
reassurance that "It's no big deal, everyone does it", and comes up with
convincing excuses for the other not to feel guilty about it. When one
of you starts doing something that is impermissible in Islam, the other
offers support and help; for example, when one starts to backbite, the
other becomes attentive and listens closely. When one discovers a
shortcoming of the other, they leave no chance to make fun of it.
About a 'friendship' that has most of the above characteristics, Allah (SWT) says in the Noble Quran:
"Friends on that day will be foes to one and another - except the Righteous Ones." Noble Qur'an (43:67)
All such "friends" will, on the Day of Judgment, become each other's
enemies, each lamenting and blaming the other before Allah (SWT), for
having supported and encouraged them towards the ultimate and eternal
destruction. Allah (SWT) makes an exception to this situation in the
Qur'anic verse above: "except those who are al-muttaqeen: the righteous
ones". So who are these 'righteous ones', who will be happily together
in the Hereafter just as they were together in the world? How can you
tell whether your friend is really and truly your sincere "friend"? Here
is another checklist of characteristics that depict a friendship that
will lead to success in the Hereafter.
When together, you both:
- Remind each other of Allah (SWT) when you set eyes on each other.
- Leave each other's company with a higher level of imaan [faith in Allah (SWT)].
- Inevitably start the conversation with the Islamic greeting 'As-Salaamu Alaykum', and receive the masnoon reply for it.
- Do the masnoon mu'aanaqah (hug) and musafahah (handshake) on a regular basis.
- Almost always mention Allah (SWT), Noble Qur'an, Ahlul Bayt or Hadith in some context or the other, in your conversations.
- Strengthen each other's belief on the Hereafter. Give each other more duaa's (well wishes) than material gifts.
- Always end up exchanging useful and mature ideas and thoughts. Love each other above and beyond worldly benefits.
- Attend religious study-circles/ halaqah's together. Have prayed salaah together many times.
- Have watched each other cry, out of fear of Allah (SWT) or out of regret for committing a transgression.
- Listen attentively if the other is saying something that pleases Allah (SWT).
- Politely point out and reform each other's mistakes or bad habits in the best way possible.
- Return an Amanah (item placed in other's trust/safekeeping) belonging to the other in its original state.
- Smile together, but with decent, non-malicious humor. Enquire regularly about the health of the other's family.
- Become uninterested and change the subject if the other starts to say something that is impermissible.
- Always discourage the other if they plan to do something wrong.
- Always encourage the other if they intend to do a good deed that they're hesitant to do.
- Consult each other in important matters. Give each other advice seriously and sincerely.
- Never waste each other's time in useless activities. Never invite the other to a place or gathering of sin.
- Have full trust that they will never reveal secrets or personal
problems to others, nor will they gossip about you behind your back.
- Address each other in a respectful and loving manner. Forgive each other's faults and shortcomings, and hide them from others.
Those whose friendships possess most of the above characteristics are
among the fortunate people who can experience a glimpse of the assembly
of Paradise in the life of this world itself, where they have such
sincere and true friends - friends who love them for the sake of Allah
(SWT). It is they who shall be saved from all kinds of discomfort and
pain on the Day of Judgment when their Lord will provide them with a
special place, as per His promise. |
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